Monday, January 11, 2010

you’re a peter, not a dancer!

brown mary lives in a foreign land. brown as dirt and so indian that every firang who meets her says, “oh i lurvvve india; all those colors and the dancing”. pavlov has nothing on mary.

in the hope of developing dancing skills other than hip-shutting the refrigerator, indian mary has been attempting the argentine tango.

but wait, this is about peter.

so mary went to tango. the male tango demographic in the city that she lives is surprisingly, ahem, well, ancient. except for the instructors who are young and hot. and come pre-hooked. anyway, the age factor is great though, because when dancing, mary wants to learn how to dance and not dodge peter’s moves: the “let me show you how it’s done to creepy music in the background” moves. the older gentlemen contrary to popular opinion are most proper and sweet.

the way these delightful classes work are a round-robin system where people switch partners throughout class. and then there are practice sessions over the weekend where you ask / asked to dance by people who have come to practice as well.

all good so far?

so mary went to a practice session one bright, sunny saturday afternoon. in the sea of brilliant bleached white brightening the sunny floor, she spotted another kindred brown visage.


brown has only two reactions to brown in the phoren land; repel or attract. nothing in-between. mary wants to find out where her dispositions lie.

man: check
brown: check
dancing the tango: check

mary makes eye contact. peter hones in on mary and asks her to dance.

astor piazzola’s libertango

stretch, stretch, walk.

in close quarters, mary realizes that peter is (a) shorter than mary, (b) podgy, (c) a bad dancer.

she continues dancing and ignores all warning signals in the head. one must be tolerant. if peter steps on one foot, show him the other.

peter: what’s your name?

mary: mary

peter: i am vipul

mary: (shah? patel?)

keeps dancing. all conversation stems. mary is trying to catch the music, while peter tries equally hard to evade it.

two minute silence in mourning of the possibly perfect tango partnership later;

peter:  i am going to the temple this weekend, want to go?

mary: (huh? sorry? did I hear you right? is sooraj barjatya hiding somewhere? WHAT?)

mary stares goggle-eyed and mary has big eyes.

peter: i was thinking of going sunday afternoon.

mary: er, not really no, i am sorry, i am not very religious.

peter: hehehe, i am leetle bit, but actually they have good food and it’s free.

mary: (kill me kill me now!) uh I still don’t think so, and i have to take a break now. 

the music stops. mary is now in search of an international tango partner. peter fasts weekdays, eats weekends and is bidding for a detachable camel hump on ebay. 

this note to peter is by guest counsellor mathangi krishnamurthy whom you can hook up with at 'la chaim'!

image credit:


Cloudcutter said...

Everytime I start reading a post on this blog, I start by guessing who wrote it - AGG or Mentalie - before I reach the end. I've always been right. Today, I couldn't figure out, but I was placing by bets more on Mentalie. Until I reached the end :-) Nice one Mathangi!

P.S. Girlies, please change this embedded comment format! It always takes me 2 or 3 attempts till I get it right. Have a heart for your challenged (in every possible way!) friend :-)

ki said...

Haha brilliant :D it seems like every post picks up some bits of my life. Don't even get me started on indian guys and social dancing :P

ki said...

p.s. i'm going to do one of these sometime if you guys let me, it's just TOO tempting :P

mentalie said...

@cc, haha. maybe you should stop guessing and start writing peter some lethal epistles instead! also, aren't embedded comments easier than the pop ups that never load?

@ki, we might just find in the end that we've all been dating the same peter! and do write in. the sole criteria is to be scathingly funny...and of course, to help dear peter ;p

Mathangi said...

@cloudcuttter: merci:)

@ki: thank you much and oh, on guys and social dancing, do tell us more!

@mentalie: what fun this is! all in the interests of peteristic philanthropy though :P.

This is that said...

Nicee..very funny and lurvvve the title..

shouldifollow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shouldifollow said...

Either this entire escapade occurred in ones head or there truly are Peters who ask girls out to a temple; whilst trying to do the tango.
Oh the stereotyping is priceless :P You do a better job than those US movies I've been watching.

mentalie said...

@this is that, you know the type? ;p

@shouldifollow, stereotype? how many temple going guys do you know who do the tango :)

Mathangi said...

@shouldifollow: my head and its imagination are a distant match for the real deal; I couldn't make this up if I tried :)

shouldifollow said...

:) The stereotype I was talking about was with regard to the dialect of enlgish in which the conversation took place.

@Mathangi- ROFL

Roy said...

temple and tango? I doubt such a guy exists, and to ask a girl to a temple...dude wanted to get married on the first date?

Lavanya said...

LOL..enjoyed this, Mathangi!
though I have to admit, even though several years ago(?) I would have been shocked and even more tickled by this interaction starring Peter, now older and more experienced, I can totally picture this happening here (here, as in, the U.S)!! :P

Mathangi said...

@Lavanya: I know right?!

Yashoda said...

Super Mathangi.....Years ago one old Aunty asked me "Beta why don't you find a nice Indian Boy in France?"
Above is the prefct answer to her inherently stupid question :D

gouri said...

ok, this may a bit tangential, but perhaps not. i was once seeing a commitment-phobic. his non-commitalness somehow got tangled up in my brains as a sign of his desirability and urbaneness(obviously my brains were in some kind of formaldehyde or soemthing at that time) . to cut a very long story very short, one day i saw him dancing to kajra re kajra re. it was an instant cure-all, watching him prancing like a PT exercise. suddenly, i could walk away from this guy, but only just. i was doubled over, holding my gut in place. i have to just conjure up the pic of this guy dancing on that terrace - so badly and so very full of himself - whenever i want to get my fundas right on anything, now.

Mathangi said...

Gouri: Hahahahah, reacting rather late but now I have a mental picture of said guy. Now life looks better:).